It’s time I started being nicer to myself. The voices inside my head shouts out I am not good enough, not worthy enough and not smart enough do NOT speak the truth; they merely reflect the damaged self-esteem that results from living a life of destructive behaviour and being exposed to dysfunctional family and social systems. When I get quiet and really listen to what my Creator wants to say to me, I realize I have the power to tell these voices to be quiet. I will no longer be a slave to negative and destructive thoughts. I possess the authority through Christ my saviour to overcome anything that is not from God. We have inside of us what Jesus Christ had inside of Him. We must just believe it.
Thoughts turn into beliefs and beliefs turn into convictions. It took me years to wake up to the fact that most of my beliefs about myself were built upon lies. What I thought and felt about myself was what I chose to believe. Those choices almost killed me.
Today I choose to believe what God says about me. My recovery from drugs and alcohol and my relationship with our Father has given me a gentler and loving idea of myself. God is the only one who has the authority to say what I am and what I am not. He is after all my Creator. Only the Creator knows who and what I am and why I am here. He has brought me to a place of being. I feel so relieved knowing that God has the final say, not people.
I have learned to love myself in small ways. I have learned to set proper boundaries, especially with family and I have learned to say no. I can treat myself to small things and give myself the gift of living life one day at a time. I don’t need to take on the world’s problems anymore. God wants us to be human “beings”, not human “doings”. Good ideas are not always God ideas and I have found that sometimes God wants us to do nothing. He wants us to rest and trust in Him to take over. I am not saying we must lie around and do nothing, but if I think about it, I am mostly powerless over 90% of the things I worry about. We don’t need to fear anymore. We have the right to love ourselves selflessly. The best way to help other people is often to help ourselves first. A dead leader running has no use to anyone.
When I get quiet and I open my mind to the stillness of His whisper, I can begin to hear and see all the other wonderful sounds and colours that so lovingly prod at the door of my soul. It’s time to open the door and welcome love.